Riding the wave of provision

God has blessed me abundantly this week -- first with the beautiful dream about my Grandma and then in an unexpected way today.  In many ways, I feel like I am just surfing down a wave from heaven's floodgate!

Last week we purchased a central vacuum cleaner for the price of $903.99 -- an expensive, but necessary, item in a new house where drywall dust is still abundant.  It makes the end of the month reconciling of finances a bit difficult -- but such is the case when you move: there are alot of unexpected costs.

Today, I received an email from the venue where my wife and I had our wedding reception and they informed us that they had a credit on our account and that they will be issuing us a cheque on Monday.  The amount of the cheque? $903.46.

Anybody that tries to tell me that this was just a convenient coincidence is simply wrong.  The reality is that God has - once again - demonstrated how much He enjoys providing to His children as a reward for our faith and to demonstrate His love to us.  I believe He sees that we are being faithful to Him not only in prayer, in spending time in His Word and in praising His name, but also through the act of giving back to God through our financial offerings.

Each Sunday my wife and I tithe -- we give a flat amount every week and then the difference on the last Sunday of every month to ensure we give back a total of 10% of our income faithfully to God each month.  We look forward to the day when we can give more to God than 10% but for now, we are blessed enough to be able to give Him what He asks for.

However, today the verses from Malachi 3:10 came to my mind as I realized God had re-filled our bank account by giving us, essentially, our vacuum cleaner for free: "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it".

Today He demonstrated just how much He loves to throw open the floodgates.  For a doubting world, here is yet another story of a profoundly loving God who ALWAYS keeps His Word.

What has God provided you this week? How has He opened the floodgates of heaven on you? Are you riding a wave of His provision or are you standing on the beach, hoping for a wave, not realizing that you have to sometimes put your surfboard (i.e. your faith) in the water in order to catch that wave?

Take it from me - be faithful to God, in every way, and stand back and watch the blessings flow... sometimes when you least expect it... and then enjoy the feeling of riding that wave all the way to the beach!

Little Gifts from a Big God

Fourteen years ago this December my Grandmother passed away -- to say that this was the worst moment in my life would be an understatement.  In fact, to this day, I continue to struggle with grief -- a grief so raw that sometimes it feels like she died only yesterday. She was 57 when God called her home and I was 17.  It was the saddest moment in my short life.

I take comfort though from knowing that she is in heaven because she called out to God in the last years of her life and He saved her.  Even though cancer wracked her earthly body, God raised her up into a new body -- one free of pain and suffering, one sanctified with His love:

John 5:24: "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life.

1 Corinthians 15:40, 48-49: "There are also heavenly bodies and there are earthly bodies; but the splendor of the heavenly bodies is one kind, and the splendor of the earthly bodies is another.... As was the earthly man, so are those who are of the earth; and as is the man from heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. And just as we have borne the likeness of the earthly man, so shall we[b] bear the likeness of the man from heaven".

It is an amazing feeling to know that you will get to one day walk the streets of heaven with those who have gone before you -- heaven is a place we can all look forward to going if we have accepted the free gift of salvation that comes from Jesus Christ, but there is something that makes it that much more exciting when you pause to consider the receiving line that will greet you upon your arrival (Hebrews 12:1).

So while I rejoice in the fact that she is saved, I mourn on those days when I am acutely aware that she is no longer walking on this earth.

But since she passed away in 1995, I have been blessed by God to have vivid dreams of my Grandma and I had such a dream last night.

My dream last night was about me preparing to go on a trip with my grandparents - I was the same age I am now, my grandparents were the same as ever, and I was busily packing to go away.  Funny thing, right as we were about to leave for the trip, I had to dart back up to my room and re-pack my bag -- evidently I wanted to bring the clothes I wore on my honeymoon to Costa Rica.  My grandparents sat waiting patiently in the kitchen of their house -- which looked very similar to my parents old place - but there they waited, nonetheless, for me to be ready... even though the plane was leaving shortly.  (I knew it must have been a dream given how patient my Grandfather was being... God has blessed me with Grandpa, but patience is definitely something both he and I struggle with).

A simple dream but today as I was driving home I thought to myself how faithfully God has allowed me to receive dreams of time spent with my Grandma.  As I have grown up without this very special lady, I have consistently had amazing dreams -- going to a party with her once shortly after she had passed away, walking along a lake at a family reunion in another dream, family Christmas's spent with her, talking with her... just spending time with Grandma. Sometimes those dreams end with me waking up crying, other times I wake up laughing. Always I wake up grateful to have had some time spent with my grandmother.  To hear her laugh.  To hear her voice.  To just get a hug from her.  It's a profound comfort to me and one that I can reflect on afterwards and smile about for days and weeks to come.

That's the thing about the greatness and gentleness of God -- He delights not only in bringing us comfort and joy, but in granting us the cries of our heart... even when we don't know that our hearts are crying:

Romans 8:26-27: "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will".

I am blessed that God knows that I miss my Grandma - alot - and that, from time to time, He gives me a little dream to tide me over until I get to see her again in heaven.  We're reminded in Philippians 4:19: "... my God will supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus".  Isn't He doing just that -- meeting my need to see Grandma? Isn't it interesting how sometimes we equate "needs" with our earthly wants? The new car? That promotion we're craving? That fancy vacation? That new sweater? To God, our needs are different -- they are the faith we hold in Him.  They are the fellowship with the Body of Christ. They are the truths of His Word.  They are the direction of His Holy Spirit.  And, yes, sometimes it's a dream or two about a Grandma that I miss very dearly.

Take a moment today to consider the little gifts that God has blessed you with -- they surround you, they touch you, they are HIS provision over and above that which you already have.

Thank you God for that little gift last night.  It helps more than I could ever describe... but which You surely know!

Great and mighty are you Lord that you minister to the things in our lives that are both great and small.

Thank you for knowing my needs even when I do not.

Amen.

The Plateau

The last 10 days have been a whirlwind of moving, getting organized and stepping over flattened boxes and discarded packing paper. To say our new house is organized would be an understatement of gargantuan proportions. But we are getting there, slowly but surely.

So too am I making progress in this struggle that I am in and have been in since the beginning of January. While things are not perfect yet, I am getting there -- just not as quickly as I would like.

Today in an email to my friend Hope, I was telling her how I felt that I had hit a plateau of sorts and that I didn't seem to be moving beyond this new normal of 80% to 90% days. We all know what plateaus are like, don't we? We feel like we reach a point where we are not going up or going down, just staying in one place - stuck so to speak - on a flat plain where the status quo becomes a new normal of sorts.

I am on a plateau right now -- but that has me thinking... what exactly are plateaus for? And what is that God wants me to LEARN while I am on that plateau?

In my mind, a plateau can be many things:

1) A place of rest and relaxation
2) A place of contemplation
3) A place that gives us a good vantage point to see other spots where we can look to for our next journey.

Let's have a look at how we can apply those three to our lives.

Rest and relaxation:

Scripture reminds us that God IS our rest and relaxation in every storm. What Father - what master - does not allow His children or servants to rest during a battle? What general, in a war, does not allow his troops some downtime so that they can regain their strength?

So too does God allow US the rest and relaxation we need to re-charge so that we are ready to be used for HIS purposes. We are not much good when we are battered, weak and weary -- yes, it's true that through HIS strength we are made stronger -- but I don't believe that God wants us to be in such a state of readiness to battle that we don't take the time He gives us to re-coup... to embrace Him... to find shelter in Him... to pray... to consider... to find rest in His arms.

Matthew 11:28-29: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls".

We rest on a plateau called Jesus Christ -- a plateau given to us by God the Father. But how often do we truly rest? I sure don't... I don't know how to. I have a mind that is always going, always worrying, always wondering. I have a body that defines rest by sitting on a couch, scarfing down chips, watching TV. Is that rest? Probably to some extent -- but our rest has to be found in Christ. That doesn't meant that when we are on the plateau we shouldn't watch TV or enjoy the things around us... however, we are not on that plateau alone. Christ is with us. So too is our Heavenly Father -- don't they deserve our attention while we are there?

I think - I know - that if we take our rest in Christ on that plateau we will find that our burdens and weariness will dissipate and we will find "rest for our souls" as Christ promises. But first we have to allow God to shut down our minds to the outside so that we can focus on Him.

Even Jesus needed rest (Matthew 8:24). Why would we think we are any different when it comes to spiritual rest in Him?

Comtemplate:

Have you ever seen those pictures of someone sitting on a peak, silhouetted from the back, gazing up into the sky or out at the vastness of the land below? Thinking, wondering, taking it all in.

Do you do that? Do I do that? How often over the course of your day - whether you are setting up camp on a plateau or walking through a valley - do you stop and look around you and take in the breathtaking majesty of everything that God has given you, surrounded you with or made you privileged to see or feel?

Psalm 46:8: ""Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Psalm 37:7: ^"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him..."

I'll be honest -- I'm not good at contemplation. I am even less adept at "being still" as Scripture reminds us to do. I'm not sure I even know how to be still. I can't seem to shut my mouth or my mind long enough to hear what God has to say or even to take in the breathtaking beauty of His creation.

But take it in we must and allow ourselves not only to contemplate what He has done - and is doing in our lives - but on the plan He has for us to glorify His Kingdom and to sow His children so that He can reap!

The problem I find with me is that I don't know how to contemplate - oh sure, I know how to think about the things (read: worry) that are going on in my day-to-day life... do I need to get the car fixed, how much money do I have in my bank account... will I be able to finish my work on time... the list is endless, but fruitless. These things don't hold the same degree of importance as the things of the Kingdom, and yet we get caught up in them don't we? We get tripped up by the rocks on the plateau - rocks that we are not obligated to trip over but which we seem bound to find, despite the fact that God has given us a great vantage point by which we can take stock of where we are at and move forward from there. It's our choice to wander, worrying, along that plateau, stubbing our toe, fearful about tripping over another rock. God asks us to sit and wait and too often we take that as an invitation to stumble and worry.

Scripture gives us a pretty clear idea as to how we can contemplate the greatness of God from whatever plateau we are on. Obviously, the first instance listed above is to "be still". Be silent before God. Let Him speak to you. You've sat in a room with someone where you were both just comfortable to be silent. It's okay to be the same with God. At some point He'll say what's on His mind. As well though, you can contemplate His greatness by appreciating the provision He has given you, the beauty of His creation and everything and everyone you are surrounded with.

It says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18: "... give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". That doesn't just mean in pleasant circumstances but in ALL circumstances.

Remember that the next time you get stung by a wasp up there on that plateau. Give thanks for that too. You'll be blessed.

The other way is to dig deep in to the Word of God -- it seems so obvious but do we do it?:

Joshua 1:8: "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful."

Psalm 77:12: "I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds"

Psalm 143:4-5: "So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done".

Meditate = contemplate. Dig into God's Word from the vantage point of your plateau. You'll find it not only will give you rest but, like a road map, will point you on the best course to manoeuvre those distant valleys and high mountains.

Aren't paths made easier when we follow direction? Take the time up on your plateau to chart out that direction with the best guide: God and His Word.

Take a good look from your vantage point:

Depending on the plateau you are on, you'll able to see valleys, canyons and mountains... all of which we will walk through in our own lives. Perhaps than a plateau is God's way of letting us see the broader picture and to let us get our bearings before He gets us to climb up another mountain or journey through a deep valley.

Take a breath then, and look around.

So what if you are having a 1% day or a 100% day - take in your plateau and the surroundings. Get acquainted with the spot that God has allowed you to get to. If you reach a plateau, have you not climbed and journeyed a long way? Don't you have the right to set up camp and rest? Of course you do -- God wants you to rest and renew, to contemplate and to prepare for the journey ahead.

Sometimes God needs for us to get a spot where it seems like it is flat and the earth holds no adventure, before He directs us to a path to begin the next stage of the journey. Put it in to perspective from a wilderness point of view: do you think that the best guide in the world started out on the most advanced paths? Of course not. They started scaling a hill, than a foothill, then a cliff face and then a mountain. Step by step. Little by little. In the beginning, they took frequent rests and learned how to pace themselves. We need to do the same. Use the plateau. Pace yourself. The journey is long, the valleys are deep and the mountains can be treacherous. You'll need the energy that God gives you on those plateaus -- and you can be sure that He will tell you when it is time to move forward:

Deuteronomy 1:6-8: "The LORD our God said to us at Horeb, "You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Break camp and advance into the hill country of the Amorites; go to all the neighboring peoples in the Arabah, in the mountains, in the western foothills, in the Negev and along the coast, to the land of the Canaanites and to Lebanon, as far as the great river, the Euphrates. See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land that the LORD swore he would give to your fathers—to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—and to their descendants after them."

He knows the best path off those plateaus -- but we need to trust that He will direct us in HIS time, not in our own.

Friends, thank you for continuing to pray for me during this time. It means more than you know. I must say that as much as I have written above about plateaus, I find it tough some days and frankly I just wish I didn't have 80% days. I know how hard you all are praying for me and how, with every prayer, God pours out more of His strength and direction on me and my wife. Thank you. We praise God for each of you whenever we think of you.

Today is a day for me when the plateau sucks and when I can feel the rocks -- but I know that God wants me to rest for a time in this spot until my weariness is gone and I am ready to move forward.

Keep praying. Because I can see the sun rising from my vantage point on the plateau... and I am longing to move forward into its light.

Childlike innocence

Mark 10:15: "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Yesterday I received the above picture in an email from my wife and it triggered a thought in me: how often do we, like the little girl in the picture, go to God with the innocence of a child? How often do we allow ourselves to truly let our guard down and approach Him as He truly is - our Father.

In my case I know, even during this season I am going through, I sometimes struggle to come before God with a truly open, innocent, heart. I hold back, I say verbally what I think He wants me to say and I find myself repeating things because I don't know what else to say. But I have yet to master that one thing a child has that I seem to lack: the ability to sit quietly in my Father's lap and listen to His voice.

I remember when my sister was a baby and we would be visiting my grandparents. When she was tired of playing or running around or just needed some downtime, she would grab her blanket (her "bap") and crawl into my Grandpa's lap for - what he called - her recharge. That's an image that sticks in my head - my Grandpa on a chair cuddling my little sister, her sucking her thumb while holding tight to her little blanket. Sometimes sleeping, sometimes awake, but always reveling in the warmth, the comfort and the protection of being held by Grandpa.

Isn't it time we did just that? How often do we truly clamor onto our Father's lap and enjoy the comfort, the protection and the wisdom that comes from being still like a child? 

Psalm 46:10 reminds us to "Be still and know that I am God". But do we really do it? I know I sure don't -- I know that I seldom go to God with a listening ear. I'm more the chatty type and while I know He loves when I speak to Him, I'm pretty sure that sometimes He wants to get in a word or two himself. I've found during this season that some of the times God has spoken the loudest to me have been when I have been sleeping or on my way to bed -- how similar is that to our earthly Father and Mother? We, as children, tucked safe into our bed, quiet after a heavy day, and with an open heart, quiet mouth and listening ears sit as our parents tell us a story or pray with us before we go to sleep. I think, sometimes, God does just the same thing. Sits with us on the edge of the bed and gives us His thoughts, His guidance and His love as we are lulled to sleep.  It's our time to rest but His time to talk.

God wants us to be as innocent as children when we come to Him -- because innocence is at the heart of faith. When we go to our Father with hearts that are truly open to Him, we will truly receive Him. Children may question their mom or dad, but they ultimately will obey because they know that Mom and Dad always know what's best. How often do we do that? Do we accept the direction, the plan and the guidance God gives to us? Or do we opt to pout for a time and then decide to go our own way? I think we do both to some degree. It's probably something that we never completely grow out of -- afterall, we are always children in the eyes of an ageless God.  And children are alot of things - loving, full of joy and innocence... but they can also be willful.  Oh, how they can be willful.  I'm sure that God knows that better than any of us do -- even the parents.

I think that picture reminds me of a need to come back to God as a child would -- inquiring, obedient, innocent and believing in a God that can do ANYTHING! Isn't that what we think when we're little? That our Mom or Dad can move mountains? Well, our Heavenly Father REALLY can! How's that for amazing!  As adults we allow ourselves to become jaded and to forget that as much as we delight in the wide eyes of a child on Christmas morning or the amazement of a child when they see something that truly makes them smile, so too does God delight in every sigh, every smile, every giggle and every moment of joy in our life.  And when we fall down and hurt ourselves, He cries with us and then lifts us up, dusts us off and urges us to go on... just like we would do for our own kids.  There is something necessary about having the faith of a child in our faith with God - it allows us to go deeper because we aren't burdening ourselves with the cynicism of an imperfect world.

I am reminded of that old song from Sunday School:

Jesus loves the little children

All the children of the world

Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight

Jesus loves the little children of the world

Isn't it time we embraced that pure love completely and totally by going to our Father with the trust and faith of children?  We may find that alot of things will be revealed to us when we approach him like that little girl and her dolls kneeling by the side of her bed:

Luke 10:21: At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.

Finding the Real Treasure

Exodus 20:17: "You shall not covet... anything that belongs to your neighbour".

Matthew 6:20: "... but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven".

As I was leafing through a newspaper today I saw a picture of someone I used to go to school with, someone I knew through his work on campus and his reputation.  This person was being featured as a strategist for a political party which I used to work for -- and just seeing his name didn't conjure about an attitude of grace and goodwill.  I didn't see him and think: "Why, isn't that great, he is working as a strategist for this political party! Good for him!! I hope he does well!"  Instead, the thought I had was: "Pft, this guy is a strategist?! What's he ever done in life beyond schmooze? What about me?"

"What about me?" - the fact that I thought that made me cringe... but think it, I did.  It's not the first time I have thought something like that, and it is probably not the last.  Looking at my own life through the measurement of world achievement is not good -- and it is certainly contrary to God.

You see I struggle with always wanting more -- the sin of coveting.  I also struggle with thinking that the world owes me more than it does.  The world owes me nothing.  God owes me even less.  Yet, despite that He continues to provide for me -- in spite of my less than stellar attitude some of the time.  He sacrificed His Son for me.  On a Cross.  And he continues to provide for me today:

Philippians 4:19: "My God will use his wonderful riches in Christ Jesus to give you everything you need".

As I look around me tonight I see the following - a loving, gorgeous and God-centered wife, a beautiful house, two cars, a good job, a family that loves me, friends that surround me, nice furniture, food and good health.  What more do I need? Well today, I wanted fame -- and God must have shook His head in disappointment while I scoffed at someone else's success.

But how often do we all do that to some extent -- measure our own worth by what somebody else is driving, doing or wearing? And how often do we realize -- like the title of the book reminds me -- that regardless of how much we obtain in this world, at the end of our life "It All Goes Back In The Box".  Indeed, it sure does.  And what's ultimately left? Relationships with people.  Our work on behalf of God and His Kingdom.  That's it.  That is what we need to remind ourselves to measure ourselves against -- not some smiling face in a newspaper offering their opinion on politics.  Yet, it's a struggle, isn't it?

I am reminded of the story of the Rich Young Ruler who, when he approached Christ to ask how best he could serve Him, was told by Jesus that if this man wanted to truly serve the Kingdom of God, he had to give up his worldly possessions and follow Christ.  One might think that being asked by the Son of God to follow Him would cause this young man to drop everything for the promise of something more... but, sadly, we see a far different truth unfold... the rejection of Christ and the embracing of the world:

Mark 10:22: "At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth".

The man left sad because he could not bear to part with his money, his fame, his worldly worth. He measured himself by the laws he kept, not by the relationship he needed or required. Obedience was not in his heart -- it couldn't be... because the love of money, of power, of status overpowered everything else.

How sad for him -- and how sad for me if I were to opt instead not to look around at the blessings I enjoy because of HIS hand, and rejoice and be glad!  Here I sit writing this and yet not four days ago I wrote a post thanking God for blessings and I meant it.  Yet, at the first sign of seeing something that was pretty cool on a surface level, I forgot everything else and - for a moment - felt completely dejected.

Sad, isn't it -- but how much better is the lasting promise of treasures in heaven...:

Matthew 6:19-21: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also".

Old habits - as I mentioned yesterday - are hard to break on our own.  Simply put, we can't do it.  But God can.  God can - and will - take this covetous heart from me and turn it into one that is not only grateful for what it has, but which is able to bless others each and every day.  Gold, silver, money and fame are all nice to think of -- we say in passing at the thought of a lottery win that "if I were rich, things would be alright".  Friends, if you have Christ, you've already won the only lottery in this world that really counts... and if you EMBRACE that truth, if you LIVE that promise, if you SHARE that joy, you will reap treasures that will far and away beat anything this world has to offer... and the cherry on top is eternal life with God and His Son Jesus.

For me, this week, I am really going to start praying into Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

If you are like me, desiring more, wanting more from life -- don't try and find your answers in the world, in the successes of others, or the false promise of a Lotto 649 win.  Open the Word of the Lord and pray.  Pray without ceasing.  Ask God to reveal to you the plans HE has for your life.  He'll answer and you'll find that what HE has in store for you is ten million times better and more lasting than easy money or fleeting fame.

Let me just add one final thought before I go to bed.

A couple years ago a family friend passed away. I remember thinking to myself that this man had a great life. He had a wonderful family that loved him, a good job, friends and was happy - from the little bit I knew of him - to just be surrounded by those that loved him, and he was a generous, kind man to others. I remember thinking that his life was a measure of having succeeded. If we can go through life enjoying what God has given us by HIS provision and HIS timing, we can truly say that we have succeeded.  That's what I want.  I don't want the constant pull of measuring myself against temporal things - I want heaven to be my yardstick and Christ to be my coach.  I'll jump higher, I'll achieve more and the prize at the end will be infinitely more valuable, lasting and loving than anything here on earth.

So put down that newspaper.  Throw out your lottery tickets.  Stop looking at your neighbour driving by in a Mercedes while you stumble onto the bus.  Embrace what God has given you -- and USE IT TO BLESS HIS KINGDOM.  You'll find yourselves blessed.  Eternally.

Matthew 6:33: "But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well".

Sheep and Goats

Over the course of this struggle I have been thinking off and on about three verses from Matthew 25:31-33:

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left".

I understand that those on God's right hand will be those who are saved, while those on God's left will be the ones who are banished from His presence. But I wonder why one side is categorized by the shepherd as sheep, while those on the left are the goats? What makes them so different that they need to be separated? The obvious answer is the salvation that comes from Christ -- that is completely true. If you are not saved, scripture tells us that heaven can not be attained through good works (Ephesians 2:8-9, Luke 18:18-30). But there has to be more to being a sheep versus a goat that God wants me to take away from those verses.

I did a Wikipedia search on what a goat was -- and came away surprised by the way a goat's behavior is described... surprised because I think it is a pretty good definition of what we as humans resemble without the saving grace of Christ:

"Goats are extremely curious and intelligent. They are easily housebroken and trained to pull carts and walk on leads. They are also known for escaping their pens. Goats will test fences, either intentionally or simply because they are handy to climb on. If any of the fencing can be spread, pushed over or down, or otherwise be overcome, the goats will escape. Being very intelligent, once a weakness in the fence has been exploited, it will be repeatedly exploited until they determine it can no longer be overcome. Goats are very coordinated and can climb and hold their balance in the most precarious places".

Let's leave aside the comment about being easily housebroken (I assume I was easily toilet trained) and focus on what we know about goats:

Extremely curious and intelligent: Isn't that what Adam and Eve demonstrated in the garden? But don't kid (!) yourselves, intelligence and curiosity are two things the enemy loves to exploit among non-Christians... or even among us as Christians... "Oh come on... you've ALWAYS wanted to do it... what's the harm in trying?" or "They don't know what they are talking about... you're smarter than that, just GO for it". Eve was curious -- so was Adam -- they were made that way by God. And the enemy used those very same qualities to get them to betray God (Genesis 3). The enemy lured them into a trap by suggesting that God didn't take their curiosity and intelligence seriously... that He who had created the world had a hidden agenda to deny them knowledge. Funny thing, they listened. And we all bear the scars of that moment of frailty. There is nothing wrong with being intellectually curious and intelligent, but it is when that curiosity and intelligence are lead astray that we have a problem. On our own, those two qualities are a potent combination -- they can lead us to explore things that God never intended for His children to explore... new religions, alcohol, drugs, new groups of people, quick fixes to make money... the list is truly endless.

Goats will test fences: How many barriers in your own life do you test? Do you push the limits of what you know God would not permit versus what the world might permit? I'm certainly guilty of that -- like a little goat I like to push my head against a few loose boards to see how far I can get... and a few times, I have managed to push myself out of the pen and run wild. This has lead to misery and hurt. But thankfully, God has always lead me back to the pen. It doesn't mean I don't keep at those loose boards though -- sometimes I do... but I am certainly trying with God's help to keep myself focused on what I know to be right: staying within the pen and enjoying being cared for and protected under His watchful eye.

Goats repeatedly exploit weak fences: I've done it. We've all done it. Everyone has different fence boards that are weak -- for some it could be pornography, for others maybe it is drugs or alcohol, for others it is sex, for others it is seedy movies, poor company, cursing, lying, gambling, etc. The reality is sometimes those weak fence posts are awfully appealing... and how often do we tell ourselves, figuratively at least, that it doesn't matter if we push the board of the fence right out, we can always put it back? Or to drop the metaphor, how often are we known to say to ourselves that we can stop a bad habit or activity by our own power? Just as though a goat isn't able to put back a fence post once it's been pushed off, so too are we unable to stop those habits -- and to truly be free of them -- that are destructive to us personally, professionally, emotionally and spiritually without God's hand. 

Hebrews 9:13 speaks to the cleansing power of God in our lives - the power, if you will, to repair every weak fence post: "The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death,[a] so that we may serve the living God!" Take it from someone who has pushed against a few of his own weak fence posts... you can not - NOT - break these things on your own. Go to the One who can.

Goats can hold their balance in the most precarious of places... sometimes, but only for a time...: I added that last bit myself - because no matter how good of a balance a goat thinks he/she may have, eventually they will lose that balance. Likewise, we can balance ourselves on a pin of living absent of our God for a time -- I've done it and claimed to be happy. But there comes a tipping point where a strong wind blows and everything you have built comes crashing down... because, as it says in Matthew 7:26-27, a man who builds his house on sand (that is, absent from God) will find it all very temporal and destructible at the first blush of a heavy rain.

So we know that in the context of scripture, just looking at a basic definition of what makes up a goat, we see that it is somewhat like we are when we are living for ourselves: willful, selfish, disobedient, curious, disrespectful of boundaries. Godless. Not, you would agree, something that we should strive to model.

But, you may be saying to yourself, why would God use an example of sheep to His right as something we would want to emulate? For that answer, I went back to Wikipedia for a quick idea about the typical behavior of sheep:

"Sheep are... animals with a strong gregarious instinct... natural inclination to follow a leader to new pastures .... All sheep have a tendency to congregate close to other members of a flock...."

Sheep have a natural inclination to follow a leader to new pastures: God is the ultimate leader - Scripture refers to Him as a shepherd numerous times. And, as the definition states -- and as we appreciate with God -- when we are truly FOLLOWING HIM, we WILL be lead to new pastures... pastures that are more abundant, safer and nourishing then where we currently reside:

Isaiah 40:11: "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young".

Numbers 27:17: "... so the Lord's people will not be like sheep without a shepherd".

Psalm 23:1 (through to 6): "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want".

The point being is this: Shepherds protect their sheep. God protects HIS sheep. He scares away the bandit and the enemies, He always is watching out for them, leading them and caring for them. While goats are pushing against weak fence posts, sheep find themselves comforted and cared for in a pasture that is green with quiet waters (Psalm 23:2). As Christians, when we entrust our care and worries to the Great Shepherd, we will find all our needs met. There is something profoundly gratifying about that -- but most of us still have that billy goat instinct to try it our own way first.

Sheep are animals who are gregarious and tend to congregate together: This idea brings to mind the necessity of the Body of Christ. God's Body of Christ is an extension of Himself and something that we as Christians need to draw close to not only for comfort but for support, for fellowship and for direction. (1 Corinthians 12:12-26).

Think about the example of the Disciples AFTER Jesus died - they didn't stop what they were doing because they lacked a leader (a Shepherd). Rather, they rallied together - in prayer - to carry on His work... just as their Shepherd would have wanted. (Acts 1:12-14). Or think about the example of Thomas who didn't believe that Christ had rose again because he had not seen it with his own eyes.  Instead of leaving the fold altogether, Thomas continued his fellowship with the disciples... fellowship that may have saved him from becoming a goat (John 20:24-28).

The key point I am making here is this: while God is our shepherd and the one who leads us and guides us, we have an obligation to stay in community to ensure we are appropriately supported and guided in our faith and walk with God. There are too many worldly pressures and dangers for a sheep (read: Christian) to walk alone... the lion prowls afterall... best to stay in the fold under the eye of the shepherd, together with your community of believers.

While this last one is not mentioned specifically in the definition, I want to put it out there: sheep - when in community - care for one another. We see it by the way ewes feed lambs, by the way rams defend their families, by the way a mother sheep will charge anybody coming near their babies. The reality is that sheep care about each other. Taken to our context as Christians, Christ calls us to "feed his lambs" (John 21:15). In fact, in John when He is talking to Peter, Christ stresses on three separate occasions the need for Peter -- and indeed, all of us -- to stop living for ourselves and start living for ALL those sheep who require help getting to the pasture.

Hurt and lost sheep are everywhere, aren't they? They are standing on street corners, they are lying in the gutter of despair and heartache... it's the broken family, the pregnant teenager, the spaced-out addict, the angry lady next door, the homeless guy you ignore on your walk home from work... they are all there, and we see these lambs every day... we see them wandering around aimlessly but we choose - CHOOSE - to not see them. Isn't it time that we started to make sure these very sheep are fed, clothed and given something to drink?

We have a choice that we can make in our lifetime -- we can either choose to be a goat, to go about things the way the world wants us to go about it... to be curious and selfish, stubborn and proud, and we can live a life consistently pushing against fence posts. Or, we can choose the comfort of being a sheep, with a Shepherd whose rod and staff are comforting (Psalm 23), who calls us to unite in community and bring other lost lambs into His pasture.

But the choice is ours.

Choose to be a sheep, not a goat. You'll not only enjoy a pasture of abundant love and comfort, but you may find a lot of goats you know being transformed into lambs because of your example, and because of the endless love and sacrifice of the One True Shepherd who will never abandon His flock.

Thank You Lord

Today is a pretty special day for my wife and I -- we closed on our new house and we move in tomorrow.  We are surrounded with boxes, packing paper and last minute laundry to do... but I wanted to take a few minutes to stop and give praise to God.

A new home is pretty momentous -- and something made possible, not because of my work or my wife's work, but because of God's provision.  We have been reminded again and again over the last six weeks just how much God longs to bless his children:

Philippians 4:19: "My God will use his wonderful riches in Christ Jesus to give you everything you need".

Psalm 107:9: "He satisfies the thirsty and fills up the hungry".

Psalm 23:1,5,6: "The Lord is my sheperd, I have everything I need... You pour oil of blessing on my head, you fill my cup to overflowing... Surely your goodness and love will be with me, all my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord, forever".

Today I wanted to share an open prayer from my heart to God - a prayer of thanksgiving for all He has done for me, my wife and our family - we are truly blessed.  Sometimes it's good to remember that.  We can get so busy that we can overlook just how much God gives from his storehouse -- the Lord is, as I was reminded in prayer a few weeks ago, truly great in His storehouse:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for our new home.  Thank you Lord that it is a place of rest, of joy, a place where you can dwell and where the fellowship you desire to have with us and with others can be made possible.  Thank you Lord for every piece of workmanship and material that has gone into building this home -- the materials were made by you, and you blessed the workmen with the talents and skills necessary to bring this home to completion.

Father, we know that all we have comes from your hands.  We acknowledge that you have blessed us more than we deserve but that you love to bless us because you love to demonstrate your enduring love and commitment to your children.

We pray that our home will be a place of laughter, a place of celebration, a place of refuge from every storm.  Let it be a place where family and friends feel like the weight of the world is lifted off their shoulders -- a place where there is warmth and a special glow... a glow that comes from your Holy Spirit shining through us as keepers of this home.

Lord we have given to you - at your request - a prayer room at the top of the stairs. Let this place be one of reflection, a place where you dwell and where we can go when we need to close out everything else and just celebrate and study all that you are.  Let it be a place where all who enter feel blessed -- a place of continual fellowship and harmony.

Father, may our home do your work - may it shelter those who need shelter, may it feed those who need food, may it bless all those in our neighborhood.  May we be known among those on our street as children of God -- and let YOUR light shine from us, brightly, every day.

Lord, we know we are in a season right now that you are bringing us through.  We know that that season will end at a time of your choosing, and we pray that you will continue to give us the love, the strength, the perseverance and the faith necessary to get us through this time.  We pray for an influx of YOUR thoughts, your Holy Spirit and your joy into our hearts and lives.  Let us embrace with all that we are - in mind, body, heart and soul - the words of 2 Timothy 1:7 which remind us that you have given us power, love and soundness of mind.  Let us live what we know to be true: that greater are YOU Lord in us, then he that is in the world (1 John 4:4).

We thank you for the jobs that we have when so many are struggling and we are sorry for the times when we have seemed ungrateful for the jobs we have.  Sometimes, Lord, we fail to realize just how truly blessed we are because we get too caught up in the ongoing stresses of every day life -- but you call us to rise above that (Romans 12:2) and to be inspired by a new way of thinking.  Let that be so Father.  Let that be so.

Lord, we thank you for how you have blessed us with transportation -- Lord, those are your cars as well.  Let us always be willing to use them to further your kingdom and to help those who need help.

We are grateful for all that we have because it ALL comes from you.  We thank you for the way you cradle us in your hands, the way you smile down at us every day, the way your Son walks within and beside us, and the way you commission your heavenly angels to stand guard over us.

We are blessed to call you Father - let us, Lord, do your will in our new home, and every day of our lives.

Thank you Abba.

Amen.

Accepting Grace

I have a problem accepting the idea of grace - I can't imagine that God forgives me as readily as He says He does in His Word.

I'm one of those people who constantly feels like any slip of the tongue, any misdeed, any moment where I let my guard down and sin, is an offense against God that I must atone for immediately. That's a tough position to be in -- always feeling like I have to flog myself for any misdeed, begging my Heavenly Father to forgive me when He already has. It is also a position that is patently false.

Scripture tells me that the ultimate price for my sins was paid by Christ on the Cross, yet still this idea of a grace is so foreign to me, that I struggle with how to accept it. How do I accept His grace and live in this grace when I am still so flawed? How can I move forward in grace when I can not even move past my own misdeeds, my own mistakes, my own fears and my own guilt? I guess the question is: at what point do I truly accept the grace God has offered me by allowing myself to move forward from the past into the brightness of His future.

It's truly a battle and one that He needs to help me win.

Scripture reminds us in Psalm 103:12 that: "... as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us".

That's a pretty bold statement as to where He tosses our sins -- He scatters them such that they can never meet again, nor will He ever see them again. Pick up some sand in a windstorm and toss it into the air -- as the sand scatters and the grains go in completely opposite directions, never to be found again, so too is the same with what God does with our sins.

God also reminds us in His Word that Christ - when He died on the Cross - did so in order that we would be reconciled with our Heavenly Father:

2 Corinthians 5:18-19: "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation".

1 John 4:10: "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins".

That is a pretty amazing display of grace by a God that could have opted to just let us all burn -- but because His love for us was so deep, He extended a hand of love versus a fist of destruction.

Yet, still, I struggle because I expect the fist. I beat myself up so that God doesn't have to... even though God makes it clear that He has no plans to do so now that I have accepted His Son as my Savior:

Isaiah 43:25: ""I, I am the One who erases all your sins, for my sake; I will not remember your sins"

That is an interesting thing He adds in there: "... for my sake....". He adds that in as a bit of an affirmation to demonstrate that the forgiveness of our sins is not only a gift that hugely benefits US, but one that benefits HIM. Such is His desire to live in eternity with us that He allowed His Son to be sacrificed. Ponder that act of grace and then look at us as humans -- the idea of grace of that magnitude is one that is just hard to grasp. Maybe that is why I struggle so much with the idea of being forgiven. I know that I am -- but perhaps the bigger issue here is me forgiving myself, of not letting my past and mistakes I make on a daily basis, be how I measure my fitness for His Kingdom.

Philippians 3:13-14: "Brothers and sisters, I know that I have not yet reached that goal, but there is one thing I always do. Forgetting the past and straining toward what is ahead, I keep trying to reach the goal and get the prize for which God called me through Christ to the life above".

God wants us to forget the past (heck, He wants us to forget the present and stop worrying about the future as well (Matthew 6:34) and focus our eyes on the end result: His shining Kingdom and our great reward. That said, the enemy for his part wants us to wallow in the mud of guilt -- coat ourselves in it, stink ourselves up and beat ourselves up as unlovable, unworthy and indecent so that we don't approach the Throne of God with the fullness and expectation of heart that we should as children. But we can not allow the enemy to lie to us about grace or give us false ideas as to what God is like. The enemy would have us believe that God is scornful of us as children, that He disapproves of our every move. That he is the Mr. Wilson to our Dennis the Menace. Movies, TV shows, music, books have all jumped on that idea of God, helping to paint warped views of Him who saves as some forgetful, jovial old man on the one side or some angry, brow-beating father-figure out to hurt mankind by forcing him to atone for every wrong and denying them the happiness the world has to offer. If we look at God that way - or if we look at ourselves in that same way - it becomes much easier to understand how the concept of grace seems completely out of the realm of understanding for us. God is not someone we can conceptualize the way we can others. By that I mean, His very image - His very being - is love. Pure love. Pure grace. Pure glory. Those are hard to find in such a jaded world.

While I was writing this blog today, I happened to find a verse from Joel that I thought was really relevant and spoke to what I do to myself by refusing to understand the depth of His grace:

Joel 2:13: "Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity".

"Rend your heart and NOT YOUR GARMENTS" - how apt is that? How much am I measuring my faithfulness in Him by what I am outwardly displaying versus what my heart is doing? By begging for forgiveness, am I not figuratively "rending my garments"? Beating myself up, not accepting grace... these are all ways I am rending my garments. While my clothes are not outwardly torn, I would submit that the cloth of my soul is torn when it doesn't need to be. Grace IS the cloth that covers our heart - we make ourselves right with God when we embrace His love, His Son, His Salvation and live by His word. That verse from Joel doesn't go on to say that God will maybe consider your request of forgiveness or your cry for help if He happens to be in a mood for it. Rather, that verse affirms what God wants us to know about Him: "... gracious and compassionate... slow to anger... abounding in love... relents..."

Those are terms that describe a God of endless compassion - one that just picks us up, dusts us off, gives us a hug and encourages us to keep walking. To be a little cartoonish: God loves us so much that in this verse it almost makes Him seem like an owner with a new puppy... it's cute and charming when we piddle on the rug or dig up the flower beds... he'll gently scold us, spare us the newspaper spanking and teach us how to follow... and we will, once we get our nose out of the dirt. But the entire time, God watches with pride as we stumble through life, crying with us, laughing with us and ultimately enjoying the show -- a show made possible by grace that came when His son died on a blood-spattered cross.

God's grace means we don't have to rend our garments; Christ's sacrifice gave us that cover... the cover of salvation. This doesn't mean that we will automatically be perfect, but it does mean that God sees in us the perfection that allows us to come in to His Kingdom. It means that to walk with Him does not require a conscience of guilt, but an obedience and desire to love the way He loves and to serve the way He serves:

Micah 6:8: "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God".

I know that salvation belongs to our God, that it was given to us as a gift and that that salvation is an eternal demonstration of grace that can never be surpassed. I'm not sure how long it will take me to understand His grace -- I think every day is a bit of learning in that respect. However, I know that His grace has saved me but now I need to understand that His grace allows me to move forward and forgive myself.

Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do.

Colossians 1:22: "But now God has made you his friends again. He did this through Christ's death in the body so that he might bring you into God's presence as people who are holy, with no wrong, and with nothing of which God can judge you guilty".

Our Hiding Place

Last night I had a bad dream -- one that frightened me but one that has a message.

Here's a run-down:

I was part of a high school or some sort of educational institute and I was a student, I think. At some point in the dream it became quite clear to me and to other students and people in the dream that there was an extremely bad man who was after us and wanted to kill us. All of us agreed in the dream that we needed to find a hiding place -- a GREAT one -- where we would not be found by this guy. We concocted a variety of plans -- one involved (and this is a bit of humor) all of us throwing a great big play or music show replete with (wait for it...) dancing Vegas girls, balloons and alot of music. But ultimately, we thought hiding was the best option. However, none of the hiding places were good -- they were either too easy to find, too obvious, not hidden enough or liable to break open and expose us.

Then I woke up -- and was frightened. I got the feelings in my hand of burning that I sometimes get (but haven't gotten) for about 10 days now. This feeling in my hand usually coincides with fear and anxiety.

So as I lay there thinking about this dream, feeling afraid, instantly I felt God make me aware of two things that were the meaning of that dream:

1) That the man in the dream was the enemy -- and he was pursuing me and others in that dream. He was intent on destruction and while we looked for somewhere to hide, no place would be good enough. Why is that? Because NONE of the hiding places in that dream were God -- not once in that dream did anybody say: "Wait - we need to pray!" or "We need God to help us out". Nada. Nothing. Just a bunch of people running around in fear because we couldn't find a hiding place.

2) That God is the ultimate hiding place -- I felt Him say "I am your hiding place -- the Lord is your hiding place".

It was when He said the second part about Him being my hiding place that I felt instantly comforted and enveloped by His love.

Scripture reminds us that God IS our eternal refuge... a place to seek out in all circumstances:

Psalm 32:7: "You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance".

God IS the ultimate hiding place -- the only place of strength and rest in a world of anxiety and fear. Yet how often do we, like in the dream, run around unsure of what to do -- yet guidance and certainty is only one sigh in God's direction?

In that verse from Psalm, God does not say... "I am your hiding place but you still might be hit by trouble". If it said that that would be an admission of a pretty poor hiding place... in fact, what would be the point of having a place to hide if someone knew where you were? There wouldn't be a point, which is why God says just the opposite: He not only says that in HIM is the best place to reside, to rest, to renew and to hide but that HE WILL PROTECT US. This isn't some hansy-pansy line, thrown in our direction in the hopes of making us feel better. It is a real PROMISE - something we can hold Him to - because His promises are always kept and NOTHING will hurt us under His wing.

I love how the next line of that Psalm (verse 8) outlines what else He will do for you as He protects and shelters you: "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

In that verse we see part of the promise of His hiding place -- it is not just a place to stop and wait for troubles to go by. It is a continual place of direction -- protected direction -- that He will use to point us along the right path. We can find rest there but at the same time His hiding place has a map (His Word (2 timothy 3:16), His Holy Spirit (John 14:26, Romans 8:26), His Son (John 3:16, John 8:12)) by which He will lead us to the next place that we are to go, still sheltered, still protected, still in His care. But first - FIRST - we need to seek out that cave of rest, that shadow of His wings, where He is. We have to tell Him we need it... we can't just run around and hope to find it on our own. His hiding place is open, but we need to ask Him to put us there:

Isaiah 4:5-6: "Then the LORD will create over all of Mount Zion and over those who assemble there a cloud of smoke by day and a glow of flaming fire by night; over all the glory will be a canopy. It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain".

In this context from Isaiah the hiding place of God doesn't seem as easy to find as we could expect -- Mount Zion is, afterall, a pretty high spot to get to on our own. But if we ASK, if we SEEK, if we call to our Abba Father, He will let us crawl onto his palm and He WILL raise us up to that high place where we will be sheltered from the heat of life and the storms of fear, the enemy and anxiety. Praise God for that -- and Praise God that His Hand is big enough to carry us and all our worries to a place that is not only one of rest and hiding ourselves, but one of renewal, redemption and further direction!

In the book, "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom, we read the story of a Dutch family with strong faith in Christ, who are taken to Nazi concentration camps during the Second World War and locked away there for hiding members of the Jewish community in a specially built bookshelf in Corrie's room at the top of the stairs. The family is thrown in prison but those who found rest in that bookshelf are saved from the Nazis.

How true is that in our own life? How apt is that description for what God has done for us through His Son? He allowed His Son to be NAILED TO A CROSS, to descend into hell, while we were hidden behind a bookshelf of redemption and renewal at the top of the stairs. God - like the Ten Boom's - took a punishment that was not deserved to save a people that needed salvation and renewal. God will bless the Ten Boom family - they will wear His Crown of Glory - because not only were they faithful, but because they hid the chosen people of God. Praise God for them and the Jewish people -- and praise God that He still hides us behind a bookshelf so that we don't face a horrific punishment.

I relayed last night's dream to my Mom this afternoon and I wanted to share with you the interpretation she gave:

- The school/educational facility is akin to the education I am getting at this stage in my life by the Holy Spirit;
- The idea of the Vegas show could be construed as in a time of adversity, our tendency to flail about with the ways of the world -- trying to find those easy answers that will distract us for just a little while but which are ultimately contrary to God; and,
- The realization that we can find no hiding place except in God is absolutely the right one -- we can and are pursued by the enemy in our lives, and we face many challenges and opportunities as well... in all of these things, the best place to reside is with God in a place of rest and renewal.

This dream, though scary at some points, was a good one to have -- and I loved experiencing the the ultimate sweet relief when I heard His voice remind me that "I am your hiding place. The Lord is your hiding place". For me that was the best part of the dream: God's promise of being right there with me.

Find your hiding place today in Him. He's there and he's anxious to let you rest in his security.

Just like a little bookshelf in a room at the top of the stairs.

Low Percents are Heaven Sent

Philippians 3:20-21: "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body".

The other day I wrote an update to a couple people who were wondering how things were going right now in this struggle. I said to them that some days I feel 80% or 90% how I used to feel -- that is, I feel like I can function pretty well, the enemy is at bay because I am leaning heavily on God, and I go through my day doing what I am supposed to do: living for God.

It's just the other 10% to 30% that I am struggling with -- because I want to feel 100% of how I used to feel. I would love to get through a day without having to take thoughts captive, without feeling like I can't be close to my wife and other loved ones, and when I feel like I am lonely and afraid. As someone who is a feeler -- a person who regurgitates and clings onto every joy, every sadness, every single moment of life -- I find that some days that deficit percentage is what I start to focus on... I dwell in the ashes and the soot, even though the flames have subsided a bit.

Last night as my wife and I lay in bed (it was a 70% day), I said to her that some days I honestly wished that God would hurry up and rapture me out of here so that I did not have to face another day of dealing with this crap. That while I understood the need for a thorn and that I was glad for the work God was doing in me, that I wished for heaven because it would be so much EASIER and more glorious than being mired in the struggle I am in right now.

But then, I realized -- as I do whenever I think that -- that I can not use heaven as an escape hatch. Heaven is a REWARD for those who live in HIS glory, who accept the gift of HIS son, who embrace Jesus - the Prince of Peace - as their Lord and Savior. I'm sure that God would gently scold me and say: "Love my kingdom yes, but I have not put you in this battle so that you can just beg off from life by trying to hasten a day that may be soon or far away! Take refuge, my son, in ME!"

And that's the crux of it isn't it: learning how to take refuge in God even on those 10% days or those 90% days or even on those 100% days when the birds sing, the sun shines and you haven't a care in the world?

One of my favorite passages that I found over the last 6 weeks is from Psalms 17:7-9:

"Your love is wonderful. By your power you save those who trust you from their enemies. Protect me as you would protect your own eye. Hide me under the shadow of your wings. Keep me from the wicked who attack me, from my enemies who surround me".

I love that verse because when we have those low percentage days we know that God isn't far away... that we can crawl underneath His wing, where we will find warmth, comfort and a secure place to shed our tears and unload our fears. I remember a story once where it talked about a man driving in a rain storm, the wind was high and the water was pelting down as he drove - very slowly. He saw a bird at the side of the road with one of her wings expanded, and under her little wing was her baby... hiding... taking shelter... secure in the knowledge that Mom was right there in the storm, and that no harm would come his way.

How much truer is that for our Heavenly Father? And how much BIGGER are HIS wings? Big enough for your deepest fears. Your wildest anxieties. Your every hope. Your every dream. Your every challenge. Your every opportunity. Your lowest percentage. All can be guarded under His wing... if we will only take refuge.

So on those low percentage days, that is where I need to make more of an effort to find myself -- underneath the safest place of God. Right near His heart... because, when He expands that wing and you crawl under, you dwell right there -- next to His heart, where he cradles and protects you. And you feel the warmth of a heart infinitely more powerful and loving than what you know today. A heart that beats at a percentage level we can not even fathom.

It is not to say that we can't look to heaven for relief -- we can -- but we need to look to the man on the throne and His Son at His right hand... not to the mansions He has promised us! We need to guard against asking God to relieve us of our current circumstances by coming back early. That isn't only contrary to His plan for the world, but one would assume, His plan for me:

Hebrews 6:9-12: "Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation. God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised".

Even Abraham - after being promised a son - had to wait until he was 100 years old BEFORE that son arrived (Genesis 17:17)! How much truer than, and how much more patience, do I need to have if I am to reap the reward of heaven? Heaven is not just a merit badge given because I ask God to stop the race early! No, heaven is a badge earned through salvation, but a place of REWARD that you get AFTER YOU HAVE RUN THE FULL RACE!

And the race God has me on right now is nowhere near being done!

1 Corinthians 9:24-27: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize".

Hebrews 12:1: "...let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us".

Here I am, not even half way around the track -- heck, barely out of the starting gate -- and I am asking God to hurry up and wave the flag and take me up to heaven because my legs and body are getting tired?!

Good grief.

But such is the nature of those low percentage days that hope seems to be low, when I should be rejoicing in what I know to be the truth: that even on those 0% days, God has already WON 100% of the victory. And that when I have a day that is less than 100%, I can lean on God to make up the difference! Because if I am truly relying on Him for strength, and not myself, than it doesn't matter if I am at 95% or -50%... He has what it takes, under those wings, to help me rise above and soar to the highest of heights on the lowest of days!

2 Samuel 22:30-34: "With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the LORD ? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights".

Isaiah 40:31: "... but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint".

I believe that God wants us to keep our sight on Him and His Son -- and if that means trying to envision living free of problems and fears in His Kingdom, than that's fine. It is when we try and will God to do something OUR way that we fall into a dangerous pattern -- God is many things, but He isn't one to be rushed (Matthew 24:36, Romans 5:35). Unlike our earthly families, He won't just dole out a reward if we stamp our feet loud enough. Infinite comfort and direction, yes. Victory and glory in Him, absolutely. Rewarding whining and selfishness? No. Not our God. Not after the sacrifice HE made by giving us HIS Son!

We can long for heaven - but, as Scripture reminds us, NOT at the expense of doing His work:

2 Corinthians 5:1-10: "Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad".

Heaven is a wonderful place for the righteous. But we don't get heaven as a trade-off because we face difficulties in this life.

So this advice I give you as much as I give it for myself: embrace both your low and high percentage days. Don't allow yourself to be crippled by the enemy's arrows coming to land in your camp -- they won't hit you, you're under the shield of faith... God's OWN shield... HIS wing. On your lowest percentage days, envision heaven, assuredly, but don't let it keep you from doing what HE needs you to do: sowing so that HE can reap. Do the same, and moreso, on your highest of days. But seize EVERY day for what they are: days given us BY God -- days to seize His strength and to SERVE His will so that our crown of glory will shine as bright as the sun.

1 Peter 5:4: "And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away".

But first we have to persevere - through every low percentage day and every high one.

The reward is a heaven where every day is 100% - and more!

Cleaning the temple

Last night as I was praying through some areas of deep-rooted sin in my life, I was struck by the idea of Jesus in the temple:

Mark 11:15-17: " On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. And as he taught them, he said, "Is it not written: " 'My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations'? But you have made it 'a den of robbers..."

The idea of Jesus in the temple is one I feel that the Holy Spirit has again given to me. As I have said previously, I believe part of the reason why I am going through this season is so that God can restore me to the glory He knows I can attain. But I must be cleansed -- no matter how much it may pain me.

I have allowed, over the course of many years of disobedience, my life to be dictated by the pleasures of the world and not by the will of God. That is a dangerous thing... especially because Scripture reminds us that when we ask God in to our hearts, our bodies cease to be our own:

1 Corinthians 6:19: "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body".

My body is a living temple for Christ, and yet for a long time I flung open the doors to sin in order to make myself feel better. Doors of the world that corrupt the mind, the heart, the soul and the body.

Drinking. Sex. Trying drugs. Racy movies. Pornography. Over indulgence of food. Lack of exercise/laziness. Questionable t.v. shows. Abusing alcohol. Ignoring God. Seeking the approval of my peers versus the approval of my God. These are all areas I have struggled with -- and they are areas that open doors into our lives that the enemy seeks to - and often, successfully - exploit.

I am certain that God does not approve of how I lived my life -- afterall, what Father likes to consciously watch as their child ruins themselves and their lives just because they can.

Indeed, as Habakkuk 1:13 reminds us: "Your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate wrong".

God can not tolerate wrong -- He will NOT tolerate it, nor will He even entertain it enough to look at it. It offends Him. Just as it offended Jesus to see His temple turned into a den of thievery and debauchery.

But how often are we doing the same things in our bodies... in His living temple? I dare say, more often than we would like to admit. And as Jesus came into His temple and overturned the tables and set the doves loose, driving out merchants and sinners, so too is God -- in this season -- doing that in my OWN body in some respect. He is cleansing it. He is purifying it. He is transforming my body - HIS TEMPLE - from a "den of thieves" into one that more accurately mirrors His glory.

It isn't easy. I don't think it is meant to be easy. But then, it wasn't God that put me in the situation I was in in terms of sin - I did that myself, with a little coaching from an enemy that likes to see us fail... an enemy that twists words and situations to make them seem good at the time, but which are far from good.

God has convicted me of my past. He has convicted me of areas I need to address and which I am in the process of addressing. At the same time, while I am addressing them, He has convicted me to avoid the corruption of the world. I don't say this to be holier than thou, but rather because I think that God is right to have me avoid things that are not of Him especially in a time of cleansing when He is in the process of stripping me down from the inside, making me vulnerable and more susceptible to impression and innuendo from the world. Frankly, right now I would find things of the world comforting but, as the Bible reminds us, those comforts are fleeting and ALERTNESS is what is needed -- not just during a time of trial but ALWAYS:

1 Thessalonians 5:6-9: "So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ"

1 Peter 5:8: "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour".

How do we stay alert? I think it varies depending on the person, but here are a few areas that I have felt laid on my heart:

Digging - deep - into His word. (Psalm 119:9-11):

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your Word. I seek you with all my heart, do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your Word in my heart so that I may not sin against you".

I am digging deep and praying because that is not only where I find my comfort, but my sense of direction, strength and purpose. It took a long time for me to realize this, but when all else around you seems crazy and uncertain, having God as the unchanging touchstone, is powerfully reassuring.

Avoiding things that can lead us into temptation:

Ephesians 5:18: "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit".

God has told me to stay away from alcohol. Not because I have ever struggled with drinking, but because I think God wants me to ensure my mind is sharp at all times to do HIS will and that I have not allowed myself to be compromised by wine. I want to be alert because I feel that when I am NOT alert, I am weak. And that doesn't serve me well, and it certainly doesn't serve God well.

I always remember years ago when I worked in retail being at a bar with colleagues from work, drinking and dancing the night away. At one point in the night I was standing against a table and for a few seconds I think God let me see the situation the way He saw it... through the smokey haze, I saw people stumbling about, dancing and acting provocatively, anger and sadness all over their faces. It was the very moment that I started to hate bars -- and since then, it has remained that way. I can't get the image out of my head of that night a long time ago - and I am grateful that God let me see, for even the briefest of moments, what He must see when we behave that way. It was troubling. And very sad.

(Please know that I am not trying to suggest everyone avoid alcohol. That is NOT my intention, nor is it my place to suggest that. I am completely fine if others want to drink -- that is their right. I am simply sharing what God has laid on MY heart. God will give to each direction as they require it).

Avoiding the corruption of the world:

2 Peter 1:3-5: "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires".

Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things".

Romans 12:2: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will".

This is a tough one for me -- I love movies (except horror films) and I love TV. Absolutely and totally love it. I love reading current affairs stories. I love getting the latest scoop about what Celebrity A is doing versus what Celebrity B isn't doing. I love the idea of making money, getting rich and just living the good life.

Wrong, wrong and wrong. 

God has told me that during this season I am to turn off my TV, avoid the movies, and avoid the crap the world tells you is important. Instead, I have been opening His Word and finding something very interesting, that my desire for the things of the world is quickly falling behind a desire to do what is right and true in HIS Kingdom.  To measure myself and my actions against what His Word says is true. 

Were I to try and continue to allow God to work through me and in me during this time, while I was filling my brain with crap on the TV or movies where people are having random sex, drinking alot, doing drugs, committing crimes or engaging in violence, I would be allowing myself to be corrupted. This is not to say that God will not, at some point, allow me to go back to enjoying a good movie and getting back into my 80s TV sitcoms (Hello, Mama's Family!), it just means that right now God is causing me to think twice about putting into my head the things that are not of Him.

To put it more bluntly: if I was in the process of vacuuming a carpet, would I then pour red wine on it so that my job would be more difficult? Of course not. In the same way, I feel God is saying: "Let me clean out MY temple, let me restore it and let it be used for MY purpose".

After 30 years of living my own way, I think -- I know -- I owe Him that.

Every temple needs to be cleaned - no matter how much it hurts to have the graffiti scraped off the walls and the tables overturned.

Nobody likes to change the way they live their lives -- but when OUR way of living soils HIS temple and HIS plans, then our Father has an obligation to step in and deal with it. Consider it discipline -- discipline built in love:

Hebrews 12:10-11: "Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it".

Every day is a bit easier in this struggle -- the temple gets a bit cleaner, and I move a step forward. But I'm not there yet -- I'm not sure when this cleansing will stop - and when the enemy will stop throwing muck at me, trying to muddy God's clean floors -- but I do know when God is finished, I will sparkle with His righteousness and glory.