Wrestling with God

Wrestling with God is a concept that I have never been familiar with. The idea of getting tossed around by the God who created the heavens and the earth – in fact, all creation – is just a little bit above my strength scale. I have visions of getting thrown around like a 90 pound weakling up against André the Giant. But wrestling with God serves a higher purpose: it deepens our faith and brings us into a more intimate understanding of our God by forcing us to prove our virtue and strength to the King of Kings.

In Genesis 32:22-32 we read the story about how Jacob – Isaac’s son – wrestles with God, which ultimately leads Jacob into receiving the new name of Israel because he had wrestled God and people and won (Genesis 32:28). But what does it mean? More to the point, what does Jacob struggling in the night with God mean to the current situation I am facing in my own life.

To put Jacob’s situation in a brief context: here was a man whose name (Jacob) literally meant “heel”. Not exactly a resounding character endorsement. He stole his brother Esau’s birthright by tricking a blind Isaac into giving him the blessing intended for his older brother, much to Esau’s chagrin (Genesis 27:1-46). This left Esau in a rage, Jacob scared – yet blessed – and in a perpetual state of fear. Not a good scene.

Before Jacob goes to meet Esau again, years later, he worries that Esau will take revenge on him for what he had done in his youth. He worries and is gripped by fear so much that he goes so far as to split up his family and possessions into two different groups, hiding them, in the hopes that they would survive Esau’s anger.

After hiding his family, he wrestles with God throughout an entire night – and at dawn, after receiving the anointment of the Lord – he encounters Esau and is overjoyed to find that his brother embraces him, loves him… forgives him. Indeed, God tells Jacob after their night-long wrestling match that his new name, Israel, is because: “ … you have wrestled with God and with people, and you have won". (Genesis 32:28). Jacob’s fear vanishes, he is renewed, he is blessed and he is renamed. It’s as though God takes him through his fear and his years of worry and unforgiveness at having stolen his brother’s birthright, and makes it right as God sees the virtue and sincerity in Jacob’s soul. But it was this virtue and sincerity that Jacob had to struggle to prove – how else could one ever expect to be renamed and blessed by God if they come to him insincerely?

I would never have presumed that what I am facing right now would constitute wrestling with God. As I have told people, I believe I am in a spiritual battle with the enemy and that through God’s strength I will emerge victorious. I just didn’t see the correlation with wrestling with God during this process either -- then my Mom felt lead to give me this story during her own devotions the night before last.

I think the struggle I am going through – and indeed the fear that comes and goes, gripping me, then releasing me – is part of wrestling with God. God is allowing this fight to come on and for me to tangle with Him. While I beg that this fight end so that I can have HIS blessing on my life, He is not ready yet to end the bout and won’t be until I get up off the mat and prove my worth. He wants me to push back, dig deep into Him, so that He can bless and release me, and anoint me the way He anointed Jacob.

Every wrestling match is different. The competitors are different, their strengths and techniques are varied, and the location is changed. My own personal battle is one of the enemy standing on the sidelines cheering for me to give in because I am too weak and it would just be easier to quit. My wrestling partner – God – is less concerned about winning then he is that I find in HIM the strength and faith that is there and that I rise up and seize it so that I can be anointed the way HE wants me to be anointed.

God is allowing me to be sifted, no question about that. And no matter how much I seem to beg that he removes this from me, God is still calling on me to wrestle with Him. Wrestle through the fear. Wrestle through the attack. Wrestle through the anxiety. Wrestle through the pride and the shame. Wrestle and learn the strength that comes from God. Some days I think I may be doing a bit better in the match, and others – like today – I feel a bit weaker and God is pushing me to find my strength in Him and to prove my virtue.

I wish that God would tell me how many seconds are left until the bell rings but then the question is, would I wrestle with God with the same intensity I am doing right now? Would I be down on my knees, cloaked in a prayer shawl, praying every day? Digging deep into His word? Leaning on Him through the difficult moments and praising Him in the good ones? Probably not… and that is why the match continues.

While I wish it would end in MY time frame (because wrestling is tough), wishing doesn’t win wrestling matches.

Faith does. Strength in God does. Perseverance does. Digging deeper into the Word does. But wishing is just that: hope in nothing.

My hope and source of strength is Christ the Lord – perhaps its time I tried to get off the mat and show the endurance that God knows is in me. Afterall, HE put it there.

Then, at the end of the match, I can hear him say: Well done, my good and faithful servant.

The battle is tough, folks, but the end result: greater strength in HIM, no fear, and a heart, mind and soul that seeks what is RIGHT and PURE are infinitely worth it.