Philippians 3:20-21: "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body".The other day I wrote an update to a couple people who were wondering how things were going right now in this struggle. I said to them that some days I feel 80% or 90% how I used to feel -- that is, I feel like I can function pretty well, the enemy is at bay because I am leaning heavily on God, and I go through my day doing what I am supposed to do: living for God.
It's just the other 10% to 30% that I am struggling with -- because I want to feel 100% of how I used to feel. I would love to get through a day without having to take thoughts captive, without feeling like I can't be close to my wife and other loved ones, and when I feel like I am lonely and afraid. As someone who is a feeler -- a person who regurgitates and clings onto every joy, every sadness, every single moment of life -- I find that some days that deficit percentage is what I start to focus on... I dwell in the ashes and the soot, even though the flames have subsided a bit.
Last night as my wife and I lay in bed (it was a 70% day), I said to her that some days I honestly wished that God would hurry up and rapture me out of here so that I did not have to face another day of dealing with this crap. That while I understood the need for a thorn and that I was glad for the work God was doing in me, that I wished for heaven because it would be so much EASIER and more glorious than being mired in the struggle I am in right now.
But then, I realized -- as I do whenever I think that -- that I can not use heaven as an escape hatch. Heaven is a REWARD for those who live in HIS glory, who accept the gift of HIS son, who embrace Jesus - the Prince of Peace - as their Lord and Savior. I'm sure that God would gently scold me and say: "Love my kingdom yes, but I have not put you in this battle so that you can just beg off from life by trying to hasten a day that may be soon or far away! Take refuge, my son, in ME!"
And that's the crux of it isn't it: learning how to take refuge in God even on those 10% days or those 90% days or even on those 100% days when the birds sing, the sun shines and you haven't a care in the world?
One of my favorite passages that I found over the last 6 weeks is from Psalms 17:7-9:
I love that verse because when we have those low percentage days we know that God isn't far away... that we can crawl underneath His wing, where we will find warmth, comfort and a secure place to shed our tears and unload our fears. I remember a story once where it talked about a man driving in a rain storm, the wind was high and the water was pelting down as he drove - very slowly. He saw a bird at the side of the road with one of her wings expanded, and under her little wing was her baby... hiding... taking shelter... secure in the knowledge that Mom was right there in the storm, and that no harm would come his way.
How much truer is that for our Heavenly Father? And how much BIGGER are HIS wings? Big enough for your deepest fears. Your wildest anxieties. Your every hope. Your every dream. Your every challenge. Your every opportunity. Your lowest percentage. All can be guarded under His wing... if we will only take refuge.
So on those low percentage days, that is where I need to make more of an effort to find myself -- underneath the safest place of God. Right near His heart... because, when He expands that wing and you crawl under, you dwell right there -- next to His heart, where he cradles and protects you. And you feel the warmth of a heart infinitely more powerful and loving than what you know today. A heart that beats at a percentage level we can not even fathom.
It is not to say that we can't look to heaven for relief -- we can -- but we need to look to the man on the throne and His Son at His right hand... not to the mansions He has promised us! We need to guard against asking God to relieve us of our current circumstances by coming back early. That isn't only contrary to His plan for the world, but one would assume, His plan for me:
Hebrews 6:9-12: "Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation. God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised".
Even Abraham - after being promised a son - had to wait until he was 100 years old BEFORE that son arrived (Genesis 17:17)! How much truer than, and how much more patience, do I need to have if I am to reap the reward of heaven? Heaven is not just a merit badge given because I ask God to stop the race early! No, heaven is a badge earned through salvation, but a place of REWARD that you get AFTER YOU HAVE RUN THE FULL RACE!
And the race God has me on right now is nowhere near being done!
1 Corinthians 9:24-27: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize".
Hebrews 12:1: "...let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us".
Here I am, not even half way around the track -- heck, barely out of the starting gate -- and I am asking God to hurry up and wave the flag and take me up to heaven because my legs and body are getting tired?!
Good grief.
But such is the nature of those low percentage days that hope seems to be low, when I should be rejoicing in what I know to be the truth: that even on those 0% days, God has already WON 100% of the victory. And that when I have a day that is less than 100%, I can lean on God to make up the difference! Because if I am truly relying on Him for strength, and not myself, than it doesn't matter if I am at 95% or -50%... He has what it takes, under those wings, to help me rise above and soar to the highest of heights on the lowest of days!
2 Samuel 22:30-34: "With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the LORD ? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights".
Isaiah 40:31: "... but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint".
I believe that God wants us to keep our sight on Him and His Son -- and if that means trying to envision living free of problems and fears in His Kingdom, than that's fine. It is when we try and will God to do something OUR way that we fall into a dangerous pattern -- God is many things, but He isn't one to be rushed (Matthew 24:36, Romans 5:35). Unlike our earthly families, He won't just dole out a reward if we stamp our feet loud enough. Infinite comfort and direction, yes. Victory and glory in Him, absolutely. Rewarding whining and selfishness? No. Not our God. Not after the sacrifice HE made by giving us HIS Son!
We can long for heaven - but, as Scripture reminds us, NOT at the expense of doing His work:
2 Corinthians 5:1-10: "Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad".
Heaven is a wonderful place for the righteous. But we don't get heaven as a trade-off because we face difficulties in this life.
So this advice I give you as much as I give it for myself: embrace both your low and high percentage days. Don't allow yourself to be crippled by the enemy's arrows coming to land in your camp -- they won't hit you, you're under the shield of faith... God's OWN shield... HIS wing. On your lowest percentage days, envision heaven, assuredly, but don't let it keep you from doing what HE needs you to do: sowing so that HE can reap. Do the same, and moreso, on your highest of days. But seize EVERY day for what they are: days given us BY God -- days to seize His strength and to SERVE His will so that our crown of glory will shine as bright as the sun.
1 Peter 5:4: "And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away".
But first we have to persevere - through every low percentage day and every high one.
The reward is a heaven where every day is 100% - and more!
I just want to let you know that you're not alone in your pleas to God. I think there are times when we all beg Him to hurry the process or scoop us up. What we KNOW versus what we FEEL - it's hard to separate them. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe we need to live with both and find His joy in both. I'll give it a shot and let you know how it works. :)
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