The Pain of a Thorn

Have you ever gotten caught in a thorn bush – the pricks and pokes of the thorns are grating, they hurt and if they dig into your skin, it can be hard to remove them. And those are just the little ones. Have you ever grabbed onto the stem of a rose with those giant thorns and have one gash into your hand? They hurt – a sharp, wincing pain that leaves your finger throbbing and you not wanting to handle the rose for the foreseeable future. Not only that, but for the next little while afterwards – depending on how deep it went – you are still nursing a sensitive finger, doing your best to baby it and get it back to health as quickly as possible.

I have a thorn right now – and it hurts. It hurts in my heart, my mind, my body and my soul. It makes me feel sad, alone, worried and anxious. It tugs at the edges of my heart – you know the place right in the middle of your chest, just under your ribcage. That’s the spot. It aches and feels empty. Except for the thorn. Thorns are no fun – they are hard to remove and sometimes no matter how hard you dig, the tweezers just won’t go deep enough for you to get it out on your own. That’s when you need a doctor or a skilled professional to remove it for you.

Last night I was reading from Cast of Characters, as I have been doing the last couple weeks, and was struck by the story of Paul. To be truthful, I have been struck by the story of Paul since my friend – Paul – spoke about him to my wife and I a couple weeks ago.

We all know Paul (a.k.a. New Testament Saul) as the pious guarder of religious wisdom, the hero of Pharisees who went about the land forcing the Jewish people into obedience of the Law of Moses, and getting them to reject the teachings of Christ or face certain death and destruction. Religion Paul may have been peddling, but grace and mercy were not part of that offer. That is, however, until he was confronted on the road to Damascus himself by Christ – who, in one fell swoop, changed the way Paul approached life and what he taught his fellow man (Acts 22:3-11):

“… Then Paul said: "I am a Jew, born in Tarsus of Cilicia, but brought up in this city. Under Gamaliel I was thoroughly trained in the law of our fathers and was just as zealous for God as any of you are today. I persecuted the followers of this Way to their death, arresting both men and women and throwing them into prison, as also the high priest and all the Council can testify. I even obtained letters from them to their brothers in Damascus, and went there to bring these people as prisoners to Jerusalem to be punished. About noon as I came near Damascus, suddenly a bright light from heaven flashed around me. I fell to the ground and heard a voice say to me, 'Saul! Saul! Why do you persecute me?' " 'Who are you, Lord?' I asked. " 'I am Jesus of Nazareth, whom you are persecuting,' he replied. My companions saw the light, but they did not understand the voice of him who was speaking to me. "'What shall I do, Lord?' I asked. "'Get up,' the Lord said, 'and go into Damascus. There you will be told all that you have been assigned to do.' My companions led me by the hand into Damascus, because the brilliance of the light had blinded me”.

Paul had been a prideful, nasty man – convinced that his way to eternal glory was through the approval of his fellow man and through the works he did on earth… holding tight to piety versus grace and mercy as given by Christ.

After his Damascus conversion, however, Paul begins a life of service to the Lord. Indeed, his service and the messages he preaches on behalf of God frame much of the New Testament (Acts, Romans, the Timothys, etc). However, the interesting thing about Paul is that he served the Lord WITH A THORN IN HIS SIDE. A painful thorn. One that was clearly grating on him, one that caused him discomfort, and one that was designed – as he indicates – to keep himself from building up the pride at which he had gone about his life before being born again (1 Corinthians 12:7-10):

“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong”.

Paul’s thorn hurt – it hurt so much that he asked – BEGGED – God to take it away from him. And God said “No – trust me, lean on me, I will make you strong. You are weak but when you lean on me you are strong”. Was that what Paul wanted to hear? Clearly not. He asked another two times after that. I imagine that even after those three official asks he would probably wonder sometimes if maybe, just maybe, the thorn might be gone when he woke up in the morning. But it never seems to be removed. What was the thorn? That’s a good question. Some have suggested it was physical. Some have suggested it was emotional. Some have suggested it was mental. While I may not be a biblical scholar, perhaps I can offer you my opinion based on just a hunch – I think it was all three.

Paul says that his thorn in the flesh was a “… messenger of Satan, to torment me (him)” (verse 7). It would be fitting to think that that meant, literally, something was stuck in him physically, impeding his mobility or causing him pain or anguish. As someone who is battling a thorn of his own right now, I think a thorn in the flesh can be just as painful to us physically, if it is a spiritual, emotional or mental thorn. During this time of struggle, I have quite literally been shaking in my bed, doubled over in pain, my limbs burning and my chest heavy. I have felt the muscles in my shoulders be so tight that it is hard to move my neck. I have felt my neck tighten to the point that turning my head was agony. I have had head aches. I have been so rundown that my bones hurt. I have had cold sores. In short: I have hurt. I do hurt. Is there something, physically, sticking out of me? Not to the visible eye. But certainly there is a thorn in there somewhere causing stress.

Like Paul I have begged – and continue to beg – the Lord to release me from this. Some days, are amazing – I feel like my old self. Others, however – like today – I wake up sad and afraid. I am stalked by the thorn. Is that how Paul felt? I bet it is. Do I think that God will remove the thorn from me? Yes. But in His time, not mine. All I know is that no matter how much I dig at it with my own tweezers, it just won’t come out. So I am forced then to put mine down, crawl under my prayer shawl and ask the great healer to remove the thorn from me or if He won’t do it right away, then to put some salve on it so I can get through each day:

(Psalm 6:2): “Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony”.

It is hard, I think, for people to understand the pain of a thorn. We ask people to pray but in a society where we expect immediacy in everything, we forget that the timing of the Lord has no bounds. Sometimes thorns aren’t removed right away – sometimes they need to fester so that all the stuff on the inside can come up… so that when the thorn is removed, the doctor can wipe away all the pus and bacteria.

That’s what I think God is doing with me right now. I think about when my sister was little and she had a sliver in her head – right at the top. She said that it hurt but it was hard to see what exactly was causing pain… there was just a little scratch at the top of her head. All she knew was her head was sore. All we saw was that there was a scratch. It wasn’t until my Mom took her to the doctor and until the doctor poked around with a tool that he removed a piece of wood about half an inch thick from her scalp… and with it, a large amount of pus and dirt that had been begging to be released. After it was out, the pain went away – and healing began.

But it only took the skilled hands and vision of a doctor to remove it. Sometimes even Mom can’t help us – that’s where there is a need for higher assistance. In my case, that’s where there is a need for the One who saves, who refreshes, who comforts, who strengthens, who loves and who guides.

Isaiah 57:15-19: “For this is what the high and lofty One says— he who lives forever, whose name is holy: "I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite. I will not accuse forever, nor will I always be angry, for then the spirit of man would grow faint before me—the breath of man that I have created. I was enraged by his sinful greed; I punished him, and hid my face in anger, yet he kept on in his willful ways. I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel. Peace, peace, to those far and near," says the LORD. "And I will heal them."

“I. Will. Heal. Them”. It is a promise I can cling to on days like today – when I feel vulnerable, when the thorn hurts and my soul aches.

Like Paul there is always the tendency to rely on ourselves – that’s certainly what I did for the better part of the last 30 years of my life. Remember how Paul says in Philippians that if ANYBODY could look at his/her life and think that works and self-reliance alone would be their saving grace and comfort, it would be him (Paul)?:

Philippians 3:3-11: “…We do not put trust in ourselves or anything we can do, although I might be able to put trust in myself. If anyone thinks he has a reason to trust in himself, he should know that I have greater reason for trusting in myself. I was circumcised eight days after my birth. I am from the people of Israel and the tribe of Benjamin. I am a Hebrew, and my parents were Hebrews. I had a strict view of the law, which is why I became a Pharisee. I was so enthusiastic I tried to hurt the church. No one could find fault with the way I obeyed the law of Moses. Those things were important to me, but now I think they are worth nothing because of Christ. Not only those things, but I think that all things are worth nothing compared with the greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Because of him, I have lost all those things, and now I know they are worthless trash. This allows me to have Christ and to belong to him. Now I am right with God, not because I followed the law, but because I believed in Christ. God uses my faith to make me right with him. I want to know Christ and the power that raised him from the dead. I want to share in his sufferings and become like him in his death. Then I have hope that I myself will be raised from the dead”.

Paul’s pride – as he states above – and his tendency to salute himself and his own achievements are what lead not only to direction intervention by Jesus himself, but I think the allowance of the thorn that plagued his life and ministry. The thorn that allowed him – indeed, forced him – to keep relying on the strength of God to get through the day, lest he fall back into trusting himself. I love his realization that since his conversion, since he accepted Christ and all that goes along with it (the joys and the sorrows) how much he realizes everything else is “… worthless trash” (verse 8).

Paul’s thorn was placed in him sometime after (or perhaps on) the Road to Damascus. My thorn was placed in me on January 3 in the kitchen of my apartment – like Paul I was struck – hard – and like Paul I fell to my knees in agony, in fear but most importantly IN PRAYER. I haven’t let up. Neither has the thorn. The funny thing is that the thorn, as Paul himself indicated, forces that reliance and desire to cling to the strength of the great physician.

While I was no Pharisee, I certainly was many other things:

- I was OF the world and IN the world yet, as Christians, we are called to be just the opposite (Titus 2:12, Romans 12:2).

- I tried to please man, not God (Romans 8:8), and sought out the approval of peers and those of a higher status.

- I got drunk on wine, I did things with my body I am not proud, I allowed myself to become the product of a lost world as opposed to of a known and loving God… in that way, I was like the Prodigal Son, covered in dirt, turning my back on my Father, wallowing with the pigs of self-doubt, worldly gratification, quick fixes and easy answers (Luke 15:11-32).

No wonder, then, that I have been afflicted with a thorn. If you are a Father, do you not have to allow your children to be punished from time to time, in order to set them on the right path again? If you are a child, does it not hurt when your parent has to punish you? Physically? Sometimes. Emotionally? Sometimes. How much greater then, as it tells us in Hebrews, is our Abba Father’s punishment on us when we stray? And how much better is that punishment’s purpose for the renewal and redemption of our life?

Hebrews 12:2-18: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

I think – I know – this thorn is discipline as well as attack. God does allow us to be sifted from time to time, but He does so under the complete understanding that He is giving us only what we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). The size of the thorn may hurt, it may cause anguish, it may cause anxiety and fear. But you know, the great physician is in the room, and in His time he will remove it. I have selfishly said that I do not want to be a Paul – I don’t WANT this thorn. Afterall, who wants to hurt. But then, how much greater was the hurt that happened on the Cross? How much greater is the hurt that HE experiences when we turn our back on Him? When we scoff at His sacrifices and chart our own courses!

Thorns, though painful, are sometimes necessary to bring us to a new level of understanding of what to do differently and what to avoid. They are never pleasant – whether they are a quick poke or a deeper wound – it causes us to be startled and to drop whatever we have been holding onto or come into contact with. But the thorn is worth it if it must bring the pus and garbage to the surface so that the doctor can wipe it away and let the healing begin – and so that we know we can only be healed by HIS hand – then it is worth it.

Just as an aside, I had not planned to write this today – I had started to write something else last night that I had hoped to have completed today. It is still not done. It wasn’t time for it to be posted I guess. Just like it isn’t time, yet, for me to have this thorn removed.

Today I felt that God was telling me to talk about the pain of the thorn. That’s the thing with those thorns, sometimes they demand our attention – and His attention.

No matter how painful they can be.

To those still praying, thank you and please – as I know you will – continue to do so. Please know how much it helps to talk about it -- because then our friends, our family -- the Body of Christ -- can understand what we are going through.

Remember, you and I are a blessed because of struggle… even when it hurts.

God Bless You today - may He walk with you, strengthen you and alleviate the pain of your thorns. He's doing it for me. Little by little.

The tweezers are in His Hands.